Nothing seem right!!!

Life is not unfair... its just that what you get is what is meant for you..



I wish for many things but all those things that I wish not one of them really came true..



Last feb. 20, 2009 my friend invited meh to a youth gathering where we can let are self to be ourself in the front of God!!!



But before the gathering I am really in a bad mood... becuase the whole day my friends are teasing me to the point that I can't no longer be patience... I also have back ache my stomach doesn't feel right ... my mom and I has another misunderstanding... in short not a really good day so, I felt really annoyed when they did not stop...



Then when we arrive at the venue at the kabayan hotel... I start to think I must not let my mood spoil this night becuase this night is reserve for GOd... SO... I decided to ignore my back ache...my stomach...my bad mood... and I prayed!!!

To my suprise when we are singing I started to cry... I just can't seem to stop so I just let my tears fall down.. and then I realize how much pain that Im really in... how much I hate my mom and myself. At that moment I really wanted to shout... I really wanted to tell everyone what I really feel but I kept it to myself and let the lord calm meh... After that moment I felt something I wish I will always feel... calmness...peace... a feeling that I cant even described... Its a good feeling that for this past few months I've been longing for... I started feeling at ease my back ache and my stomach suddenly feel better... but the way I feel about my mom doesn't really change that much but again ... I can say I don't hate her the way I hate her before... I started to understand her a little and as of now I am still in the process... I still Love my mom very much... I do... That is why I feel really irritated when she doesn't appreciate me... I love her that is why I feel this kinds of thing...

then before we the end of the event Pastor Rodel ask us to pray and tell the lord we need him.. say sorry for our sins and helps us on our daily lifes... but at that moment I did not say sorry or even forgiveness because I know I'm not ready to be forgiven... after all that I done... after all the sins that I commited I thought that I don't have the right to ask for forgiveness... So all that I said is "Lord please help me becuase I need you... I know I don't deserve your forgiveness after all that I have done yet your always there for me when I need you... And now lord again lord I'm saying that I really need you.. I need you lord... I do...I need you" ang again and again that all I said "I need you lord"... and something also enter my mind at that moment I also said something like"when the right time lord that you think I deserve forgiveness just give me a sign...but I know I still have a long way to go... but God I admit that I can't live without you... God I need you... I know I do... I need you... "

So until the end of the prayer all I did was to say "I need you lord..." We are planning to go home when Pastor Rodel remember that we have a raffle... its getting late so we were in a hurry .... the first price was a Black t-shirt with print that I forget the print... and the second one was also a T-shirt with a small print... saying "I'm Forgiven"... I don't know if that was just coincidence but my name was called... the T-shrit belongs to me... my name was written in that small sheet of paper... at that time I ask the lord is this the sign... but I'm not ready... I was a bit afraid ... if this is the sign can I lived to it... can I honestly believe in this sign... if this was the sign that you give me lord does that mean I'm forgiven???... there were so many question circling my head at that time... and suddenly... I realize maybe ... just maybe it time... this time the lord really has plan for me and maybe this time he thinks... its time...

So after the event I share this story to a friend on mine and she told me that maybe It was GOd's will ... that maybe I was really forgiven... but even though that a sign or not... I was really happy ... at that moment the feeling that I felt was really good... SO I decided to lived my life in his words... I know I have a long long way to go... I still have to endure many test... challenges.. trails... I might even think to give up in the process... but I know the LOrd God will never forsake me...

When I thought that nothing seem right... suddenly everything just fallen to the the rigth position... GOd really works in mysterious ways...

Especial thank you to:

The lord GOd and Jesus Christ..

KAzmira... Nayti and DREI...